Elise,♥

scenephase:

eat-my-bloody-crumpet:

scenephase:

petition for teenage girls to stop marrying each other on facebook

Unless they are actually in love with each other and are actually getting married -.-

ok public apology to all of those 13 year old girls getting legally married to each other

jellyworld:

wh y can trans people make jokes about cis people???????? how is that fair to Me. equality means Everybod y and everybody means me. Me

crewdlydrawn:

tardis-in-purgatory:

i want the first scene of season 9 to be some sleazy creep trying to pick up this girl and he wraps his greasy arm around her and goes “so… did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” and she yanks out her angel blade and ganks him and as his mutilated corpse falls to the ground she mutters “i hate this planet”

Brilliant.

anaisforthewin:

shapeshiftandtrick:

ryan-aniki:

shapeshiftandtrick:

how does one tell a boy that one likes him

I am a boy and have a foolproof plan for this:

1. text them and start playing one of those 20q games
2. if they start being a dodgy fella drop em
3. if they ask “You like anyone?”
    reply Yeah, you.
4. If they give you a negative reply sayin they dont like you back then just correct yourself to “*Yeah, you?”

dude that is genius

slow clappin’ it out.

k4rkl3s:

blaze it, i whisper as i light my homework on fire

tonystarksnipples:

colonelmustangsnipples:

goldenclitoris:

poopflow:

roughrimjob:

meladoodle:

she got a pussy like the grand canyon

dry and sandy

possibly filled with dead bodies 

Includes approximately 70 species of mammals, 250 species of birds, 25 types of reptiles and five species of amphibians

a popular tourist site

Everyone goes there and comes away feeling vaguely unsatisfied with the entire experience

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

one of my main nicknames courtesy of my family is “emmy” and my uncle was like “what if you marry a guy named anthony whose nickname is tony then you’d be emmy and tony” 

and then “what if his last name was award”

and then my cousin put in “if you have a son you could name him oscar”

emmy, tony, and oscar award

oh my god

the-apple-pie-was-worth-it:

illea:

i called my grandpa to wish him a happy 69th birthday and he said, “I skipped straight to 70. I don’t do 69 anymore, I’m too old to bend that way” and started laughing hysterically

grandpa

OMG, this weekend my mom realized that there is a 69 on her car license plate and my grandma asked what that was, so my mom quietly explained it to her. Her reaction: Oh, is that all? That’s not my favorite.

slenclerman:

slenclerman:

slenclerman:

what fruit tells the worst jokes

a punapple

well you can mango fuck yourself